A Letter to A New MOM

 

("Mommy's sweetie" circa 3 months old)

I wrote like the wind today, and that rarely happens. I felt my heart being poured out on the glowing LCD screen... and it made me realize that I want to record this in another place (besides my Facebook 'Sent' folder) so that I can possibly happen upon it at a later time.  It is a reply to an exchange with a friend, a mother of a baby only a few weeks old, an exchange that started in just a few simple words that totally broke my heart when her message popped up on my iPhone.  It read: "Please tell me it gets easier ;(".  This was my first real communication from her since she gave birth.  I of course replied that it did.  The below is what I wrote to a Momma who went on to say that she felt like quitting and felt like a horrible Mom. (This woman who is doubting herself, who I've known since we lived next door to each other when my husband and I first got married in 2007, was born to be a mother!  She is one of the most kind and sweet ladies I know, and I would trust her to raise my own daughter.) Gee whiz do I recall feeling like quitting... because I was out of resources and depleted of any restorative rest for weeks on end (sleep deprivation is an actual method of torture!).  Maybe this will help another new Mom, maybe it won't. I have all of 5.5 months under my Mom belt, so who am I? I just hope that some of my experiences that I share below can help to make a difference in someone's life. Some stories I read on the internet have made my day, while others have changed my life. All it took was someone posting it... so here I go. Let it fall where it will. :)

PS - I admit some embarrassing things below.  Please go easy on me.  I look forward to the day I can ask forgiveness of my sweet daughter for the times when I failed her.

My letter...

You are MORE than sane! You are being honest and the fact that you even feel like a "horrible mom" means that you are far from one. None of us are perfect... and it seems like the first lesson of Motherhood we learn is that we fail every single day at something, but we get back up and try again each day. I know Greg and I made many huge mistakes and lost our tempers at times... and we wish we could take it back, but we can't. It's OK, because I look at our parents and they made huge mistakes... but we turned out somewhat decent and we are healthy & happy and love them still! ;) That is WONDERFUL that _______ is there with you for 2 months. Praise GOD! Praise God even more that you have a husband that WANTS to be there with you two and WANTS to help. I don't know HOW single Moms do it... and Greg was such a lifesaver to me. God will give you strength to get through anything, just like childbirth... He will not give you more than you can handle. That is always what I clung to when I was having a hard day... that and looking forward to the next time or day when I was going to get some help, LOL. Take each day one at a time and before you know it, her colicky little belly will mature and you will have new and different challenges. That's not what you may want to hear, but it's the truth. Every time I talk with the Mommas here at my work who are months ahead of me they tell me that what I am going through now (Grace still gets up several times a night) will pass. EVERYTHING is a phase. That is truth that is comforting! "This too shall pass" and nothing is forever... just like the Bible says in Ecclesiastes. I used to cry my eyeballs out... like BALL LIKE A BABY while holding Grace - I was just so miserable. Sometimes that would be what shut her up and put her to sleep... I'd cry for a minute or two and when I opened my eyes it was like God gave me a little miracle and *poof* she was asleep. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a similar situation like our newborn experience. I had a hard time looking at people's Facebooks (I had 2 friends who had babies born a week apart form Grace. One before, one after) and seeing how easy it was for them. You can imagine my frustration when I would see the Momma of a 3-week-old and 3 other kids saying, "Making cookies!" when I couldn't even wipe my own butt without a screaming baby... and FORGET eating anything before 2pm without a huge sacrifice. Then the other Momma posted a picture of her baby sleeping on her lap while sitting at a Starbucks. I was like "?!?#?#$?$?#$?@#$@%%!!!!!!" Ya know what I mean? My situation was very different. But I would tell people that and I would even whine to my doctor (he sucked by the way) and they would encourage me not to compare our family to others.

Tell me about it... I wanted to quit too!!!! I wanted to run away, but at the same time I was so in love with my little girl that I didn't know what to do with myself as soon as I got away from her for the first time. Trust me, God and nature have blessed us with something beautiful called newborn amnesia... you think it is so traumatic now that you will never forget, but you do. You really will. Even the traumatic things Greg & I do recount sometimes... the memories are numbed and you look back and say "it was worth it and I would do it again for her!"

Also, when I say I was in love with Grace... it was more of a knowledge, not always a FEELING! There were times that I disliked her and I would tell her that. (I know that sounds awful.) I would FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! get her to sleep for a nap which was nearly impossible and the SECOND (no exaggeration) I laid my head down on the pillow she would start fussing again. I came to have major anxiety and would cringe every time I heard her make those noises. I distinctly remember telling my Dad I felt like Grace was being a "brat" that day and I felt awful saying it but I told him it was the truth.

The actual love *feeling* for your baby sometimes even takes a little while, and that's OK. I probably didn't really feel the crazy LOVE in my heart for Grace until I came out of the survival fog. If you guys are like us, we were in survival mode for a LONG time. I bled for 10 weeks after having Grace to find out I had rotting placental pieces in there... no wonder we had thrush that wouldn't go away! My body was trying to heal all SORTS of things! No wonder I didn't have the ability to do much more than survive, right? You do what is priority and let everything else fall to the side. Housework and all that jazz, who cares. That's what family and friends are for. (We'd love to come help you do any chores by the way, please let us do some when we come and visit!) Oh, and now I have a term that I call BABY LOVE DRUG. Having a child is the best drug in all the world. It gives you the HIGHEST high you will ever have in your life (and it just keeps on giving, no diminishing returns!) but it also brings some of the lowest lows. Anything worth something though takes work, sacrifice, pain and a cost. Anything truly free would not be valued the way something is when you have to pay a price.

The more you talk to Moms out there you will find out that 80% of them can relate to you on most of what you're going through... I have NO idea why Moms don't warn you about this before the baby. I guess they don't want to burst your "ignorance is bliss" happiness bubble. I was SHOCKED that it was so difficult because Greg and I are people that go above and beyond in everything that we do no matter how hard, and we could barely handle it... so how does the rest of society do this? The honest truth is that people don't always tell you about their struggles. People post the happy things and smiley pictures on Facebook. I wanted SOOO BAD to post all my miserable struggles on Facebook, but I didn't want to look like I was complaining. I had desired my beautiful baby so badly, I didn't want to look ungrateful and immature. BUT, there is definitely a NEED for that and a place for it... with friends!

My advice for today is...

* Make sure you have a good pediatrician. Greg and I are just NOW finally deciding we are not happy with ours, even though we were "iffy" about him from the get-go. If you're not in love with yours, get a new one. Looking back, someone we liked and who actually CARED about what we were going through and was attentive to Grace could have saved us a TON of stress and tears and arguments and grey hairs. We are going to be switching.

* Try an exercise ball. You're like, "Whaaaa?" Seriously, this saved our LIVES and sanity. One of my best friends was moving to LA and stopped by to meet Gracie. She just happened to have been a nanny for the past couple years to 2 babies and she just HAPPENED to have her exercise ball in her car that she had packed up on her move up there. She blew it up for us and we bounced away... Grace was happy. It is so exhausting having to hold them all the time. Grace would pretty much only sleep ON us. Preferably Greg after I would feed, he'd hold her and burp her and try to keep her upright so she could digest her food. The ball lets you sit down but keep them moving and bouncing to their heart's content. We have since retired the ball because at some point the baby needs to learn to self-soothe and go nighty night with very LITTLE work on your part because they get heavy, etc etc. So I would love to bring over the ball for you if you'd like to try it. I will blow it up for you too... it comes with a little foot pump.

* ROUTINE!! Oh my gosh I wish I had known to do this earlier!! They say that babies have very little that they know and are familiar with, so having a routine (as much as is possible) is very comforting to them. We didn't really do this with Grace until she was like 3 months old! Having a routine such as eat, play sleep, repeat... and a bedtime routine... they are very comforting to a baby, even in the beginning. I'm sure you have read about that, but if you want, give it a try and see if you notice any difference in 3 days (I've read 3 days is how long it takes to change a behavior).

I have lots of other advice from my months of experience with a sweet but sad baby, but for now the above are my little nuggets of advice for the day. Grace smiled very early on and was such a sweetheart... but there was obvious pain and discomfort going on (besides the brace she had to wear!) that just broke my heart. _____ is such a sweetheart for having to go through so much at such a young age. The poor things have to leave our warm bellies and enter a scary world! Take everyone's (including mine) advice as a grain of salt and go with what you like. TRUST your instincts... I cannot stress that enough! Even doctors... you know your baby best.<3 Mommas have a special gift of instinct, which is no surprise after the bond we have after carrying them for 9 months.<3

We love you guys so much and I hope we can come over soon. I'd like to come on a lunch break some time even just for a quick visit to bring you food or something. I remember how much a prepared meal meant the WORLD and a million dollars back then. We are super busy this weekend but were talking last night that we could come over after work. Grace is a lot easier to take out of the house these days, Praise God. Would tomorrow night work for you guys? Let me know. :)

Hugs and hugs and more hugs! You both are doing a great job!! If she's still alive, then you are a success. It's a ton of work, but it is SO exponentially rewarding. You just haven't been able to reap any harvest yet. Once you start getting smiles, giggles and she reaches for you when you come home... your heart will be SO happy.

OK I officially just wrote a book there. I need to go get this published, LOL. Hope I brought some joy or laughter or relief to your day. I'll say it again... we cannot wait to meet _____!

Love,
Jenelle

The Races

Saturday we went to the races with my Mom & Dad. My Dad and I went years ago, back when I was going to community college and working part-time (the easy life!). We had SO much fun that day, we vowed to go again. Every year I tell my Dad we'll go, and every year I forget until it's too late we almost missed them again this year but we finally made it happen! I won about $13 on the first race with a quinella bet, but over the next few races Greg and I left with 60 cents. ;) We only bet the minimum, and if you count parking we lost. The family time and memories are priceless of course!

I was so impressed with my baby girl's temperament. She enjoyed all the people-watching (just like Mommy & Daddy there) and surprised me by handling all the hollering at the end of each race just fine! :)

It has been SO nice now that we have been able to take her out in public with very few hiccups. It was so stressful for the first few months with feedings and naps... and not being able to pump anything for bottles to easy the burden. It's been about 2 months since her last "meltdown" that caused us to leave our good friends' baby shower just after arriving, which was most likely caused by gas. Poor thing.

So glad we got to experience the races with my Dad & Grace together. I took more pictures, but this is what I have on my phone!  You better believe she got tons of "oohs" and "aahs" from the ladies in her classic big hat! A strawberry hat for my Little Strawberry, of course! ;) A gift from Emily!

The Consonant "M"!

Yesterday while strapping Grace into her carseat I heard the sweet sound of "maaamaaa-buh"!  I was startled and looked up to Greg who immediately said he had heard it too.  He said she was looking right at me when she said it!  I quickly shook it off and dismissed it as some new sounds... I don't quite think she was saying "mama" towards me or meant it as my name, but it sure felt good!

Consonants are a new achievement for Grace!  Great job sweetiepie!  (She has all the vowels mastered, that's for sure.  We love waking up to her new vocal chord practices in the morning.)  She turned 20 weeks exactly yesterday. :)

On our way to Grandma & Grandpa's I heard something akin to "mama" again.  Yay!  I don't mind being "Mama-Buh" either though.  If she was trying to call me "Mama Butt", though, I'd prefer just "Mama". ;)

Another thing she mastered this week?  I mean, MASTERED too.  She can finally chew on her teething toys without having a breakdown!  Woohoo!  She actually enjoys them.  Now she will chew on them from Point A to Point B in the car, no crying and without dropping them.  (Okay, sometimes.)  This is great news!  I can actually see my baby enjoy her toys now, and I don't have to give her soft burp cloths to "chew" on instead.

One more thing... this morning was possibly the happiest-baby-morning I have ever had!  I fed her when she woke up and got the usual pause-from-eating smiles, but today she was just so snuggley!  A dream come true!  I laid her on top of me and she just kept looking up with me with the most sweet gaze.  At one point, I looked down at her and was almost startled by how pretty she looked.  Her head was laying sideways on me and she had the most peaceful look on her face.  She looked up at me like I was really something... and it just set my day off to a great start.  It really rocked me to my core, it was such a great feeling.  All I could do was squeal to Greg how we have such a gorgeous daughter! 

Here are some pictures from yesterday... it was a great Sunday filled with homemade chocolate cake (thanks to Grandma Evie) and time catching up with "Aunt" Sarah.

 

20 weeks!

Instagram

My girl in one of my favorite outfits on her! May be the last time she wears it... she won't stop growing! ;) Love discovering new faces she makes.

Christmastime Belly

 My view when sitting down and letting the belly breathe. :)

My sweethearts, Greg & baby girl, in our home all ready for Christmas!  My baby bump profile is in the bottom right corner.  Her 1st pic in front of the tree. ;)

Baby Romero's Gender Reveal Day! (November 5th, 2011)

Two weeks has flown by.  We've known for TWO WHOLE WEEKS now that you're a baby ______! :) We are beyond thrilled.  We went out the very next day and bought you your first outfit.  We've been trying to give you a name that can be/do many things in one: encapsulate how we feel about you, ring love in our ears, drip off the tongue like honey (okay maybe that's a little much)... and most importantly, be able to sum up the most wonderful person in the world.  It's a very hard task, naming a new human!  We bought two name books and spent a long night at Barnes & Noble last week, but aren't there quite yet.  Your Dad and I think we may have it... we may have actually had it a couple months ago... but we're waiting to really know for sure.  Even if we do, we still need to then find its middle name match.  Naming and preparing the house, that's what we've been up to for the past two weeks.  Now, on to your Gender Party pictures!

Our readers will find out the surprise gender reveal color -- pink or blue -- after looking at the pictures of your party below.  To read the blog I wrote the day before, about the days after our anatomy ultrasound leading up to the party, click here!  The back-story really made the Big Day a lot of fun.  We will definitely have a story to tell for the rest of our lives. :)

Pictures of Your Gender Party

Welcome!

Entrance

Your cake was designed by Mom & Dad and made by Jennywenny Cakes!  We think she executed the cake's design & deliciousness even better than we could have imagined! :) 

 I got the simple "rows of hearts" idea from a Pinterest.com picture after searching "heart cake".  I knew that no matter what, boy or girl, you were going to be -- and already are -- our hearts.  We love you so much!

The table was set in the kitchen, all ready for the 1st slice reveal.

Little blue booties... would we use these someday for you?
 

The cake top's detail.

Some treats on the table for some laughs... Baby Ruth candy bars and Sugar Daddy caramel pops.

Daddy helping in the kitchen.  Notice he's reppin' Team Pink. (I was wearing blue.) Here he's cutting up the avocado for the "Cravings Table". ;)

The hutch was set with a digital picture frame with rotating pictures of your life with us so far.  Then we set out framed pictures of Mommy & Daddy together from our home.  Two of our wedding pictures, and our engagement picture on the far right.

Venturing outside, we had the party-theme-matching drink bar & "Cravings Table". :)

 Jenelle's Craving Table, complete with all the things I've been craving while you've been in my belly.  The menu included: oranges (orange juice), Starburst (they had miraculously eased my morning sickness), jalapeno & habanero chips (anything spicy!), Mini Reeses (peanut butter and chocolate, together or separate -- especially peanut butter frozen yogurt!), avocados with Italian dressing (anything with Italian dressing) and strawberries (representing all the fruit that I've been enjoying -- especially cantaloupe!).
 

Detail of the menu cards on the Cravings Table.

Okay, are you ready for the reveal?

Scroll down!

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almost

there

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Strawberries & pink whipped cream filling?!

We're having a GIRL!!!

We love you Baby Girl Romero!

Bathroom Belly Shot #2

21 weeks & 5 days

Bathroom Belly Shot

21 weeks & 2 days

IT'S A GIRL

A pic my friend Jessie snapped with his phone, minutes after we found out.  20 weeks exactly.

Tomorrow is 20 weeks... and your "Gender Reveal" Party!

Well, little one, we got to see you again!  We had your "anatomy ultrasound" on Halloween a few days ago, when you were 19 weeks & 2 days.  We were told you're now measuring 6 days ahead.  If you reach 10 days ahead, they will move up my due date!  Additionally, you are weighing about 1 pound!  Wow!  So why have I gained about 15? ;)

The ultrasound technician was sadly having a bad day.  He was kind of grumpy and didn't like that you were so active (or that it was a Monday).  It's not your fault!  You are happy & healthy!  They told Mom to drink 32 ounces of juice, so that's what they get.  Dad and I got to watch you move around on the screen, but not as much this time.  The tech kept going down to your nether regions, and we didn't want to see anything down there that would ruin the party's surprise!  The technician called you a nickname that may have hinted at your gender.  We were bummed that he lacked good manners, but it isn't stopping us from having your party.  We still do not know for sure!  The show must go on!!

Dad & I ordered the food for the party on Monday.  We had a fun time planning the finances for the month and setting aside money for a trip to go visit New Mexico for Thanksgiving!!  Your Dad is so excited - and so am I - to introduce you (while you're in my belly) to your Grandpa Greg, Nana Patsy, Missy and your Uncle Sam.  And the rest of the NM family!  On Wednesday I ordered your "reveal cake".  I designed it along with Dad's help... it really is cute!  That night, Grandma Evie came over to our house and helped me cut out about 100 or more hearts for your party garlands.  Last night, Dad and I spent our date night shopping for last-minute party necessities.  We got drinks in all the colors of your party - red, orange, blue and pink.  Yesterday we posted the news about you on Facebook.  It was so wonderful, and long overdue.  I think I will take a screenshot of all the comments and post it here for keeps. :)

You're not very active today.  Maybe it's the rainy weather - the first rainy day of the season!  I hope you love rain like me.  Can't wait to finally know if you're my son or daughter tomorrow...

Along with your ultrasound, we were delighted to get some new pictures!

My tiny profile

My hands together, possibly trying to sleep?  This is how Mommy sleeps.

My nose and mouth from above :)

Waving "hello"!

A side-view of my arm

Obligatory Belly Pics

Disclaimer: The belly in this photo may appear smaller than it actually is!

Seriously though, my stomach looks smaller here because I am straining to get my arm far enough away from my body to get the belly in the frame so my muscles (yes they are still there somewhere!) are squeezing it down a bit. Greg and I have been taking weekly pics of me in front of a drab door, smiling and trying to look pregnant almost every week. I thought it was time I took one all by myself of just the baby belly. :)

Here's me, 17 weeks along:

PS - I was so stoked that I could still squeeze into my hot pink pants this morning! I've been getting so tired of the same old pants that actually fit, and discovered these are low enough to fit under the ol' belly... for now.

First pictures that look like a BABY!

Alien jokes aside, what an attractive cranium I have! What could that be on the left?

A blurry shot of my profile. Am I a boy or a girl??

Look at my little hand! It's above my belly. Mom & Dad think I have a cute profile. If you look closely, you can see a bit of my legs/feet too. They are pressed up against the side of my home because I am jumping off the walls in here. My parents got to watch me jump the entire 30 minutes of the nuchal translucency scan. I was trying to show them that I am happy and healthy in here!

First picture of our Little One

The first time we ever got to see our child this is what we saw: a little gummybear.  We were so relieved and thankful to see 2 arms and 2 legs.  I could even make out the eyes!  The heartbeat was the best part of it all.  Honestly, I did not cry -- but I wasn't expecting to either.  In all honesty, I was not the most mature parent at this appointment.  I was a little unraveled.  I kept getting scared that there would be no baby in there... and then I was scared that the blob was not a baby... and then I was scared that there was no heartbeat.  BUT there was, and is, and I'm learning each day how to have more faith, and less worry.  My baby's in God's hands.